Unchained Melodies
by Iloveplotbunnies
Summary: He doesn’t exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it’s a blur and he knows that whatever he’s done; it can’t be too bad. L/J COMPLETE
1. Prologue

**Unchained Melodies**

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer:** I obviously still don't own _The Mentalist_.

**Spoilers:** Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings: **Language.

**A/N: **

I think I have pleased the plot bunny gods because yesterday, I was attacked by stray lettuce in the produce section of the grocery store.

* * *

**Prologue**

He doesn't remember, and he's sleeping next to someone.

He doesn't feel any regret, any feelings what-so-ever.

He does feel the bed beneath him, and the hot breath on his neck.

It's been forever since he's been with someone, and he can't remember it?

He refuses to move for a few more seconds, until curiosity over takes him and slowly he maneuvers his body to where he thinks he can turn without waking whoever is sharing the bed with him. His eyes remained closed, anticipating and suddenly, he can't take it anymore and he throws all caution to the wind only to open his eyes.

He wishes he hadn't, because how is he going to explain to anyone; why Teresa Lisbon, Senior Agent of the Special Crimes Unit is lying right next to him?

Hell, forget everyone else, how is he going to explain it to her?


	2. Chapter 1

Unchained Melodies

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own _The Mentalist_.

**Spoilers:** Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings:** Language.

* * *

**Chapter One-**

She's woken from her dreams by a loud knock at the door, and she groans.

She bets anything that Jane is at the door.

She opens her eyes, and instead of seeing the door—she finds a pair of wide blue eyes staring back at her. She does the only thing she can think to do. She grabs her gun by her bedside table and scrambles to get on her feet and out of the bed. Patrick Jane is lying. In bed. Next to her?

She's about to scream or wave her gun around in a threatening matter when suddenly the motel door opens, and the team spills into the room to find that she's standing over the bed and Jane's staring at her.

Rigsby jumps in.

"I err... wouldn't kill him if I were you." Rigsby begins, and her eyes are drawn to him. "I don't know how well the state of California takes to wives killing their husbands." Lisbon forgets the gun, lets it clatter to the floor and she turns to her team.

"Married?" Both of them answer tepidly and Lisbon watches Jane as he stares down at his ring finger to find instead of one ring, there are two and she's almost afraid to look but she does to find that her bare ring finger is now occupied by a single ring.

"You're kidding?"

"No." Cho responds. Lisbon's worked with Cho for years and knows that he wouldn't lie to her, and she stares at the other members of her team to see them shaking their heads. She turns back to Jane and he shrugs with a slight smile on his face.

"I guess we're married now, does that make me Mr. Lisbon? Or does that make you Mrs. Jane?" She glared at him and he grinned. "Oh come on woman, we can probably get this cleared up right away."

"It still doesn't answer how I ended up married to you, or in bed with you." Everyone was silent after her last statement and even Jane's usual smirk had fallen. How could anyone just end up accidently married? How could anyone let them get accidently married? "Or, how no one stopped us…" Van Pelt's face turned a slight red, as did Rigsby's. Cho's face was even tinged with regret and she stared at them.

"Ah," Jane spoke from the bed, still lounging atop of it. "Rigsby and Van Pelt were off doing whatever they usually do together while Cho was probably with a lady friend."

"You left me with him?" Lisbon asked Cho.

"You had a gun," Cho explained. "I didn't think you would marry him, boss."

"One thing though," Jane interrupted Lisbon's next words. "How did you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" Van Pelt began, and everyone's attention was on her. "Someone told us."

"Someone told you?"

"We stopped by Jane's room this morning, and we were told that one of you closed the room last night—said you both had just gotten married." Rigsby responded; and silence met his comment. It seemed like no one wanted to invoke the wrath of Teresa Lisbon, except for one blonde haired consultant of course.

"I wonder if they'll give us a discount for another night," Jane spoke up. "I mean after all, we still have our honeymoon…" She didn't wait for Jane to finish his spiel; she pounced on Jane, tackling him to the bed. "Ow! Lisbon! Get off!"

"We are _not _on our honeymoon." She growled, and she let him go.

"Whatever you say dear," Jane whispered and she ignored him, Rigsby was right—California didn't look on wives killing husbands very well, but maybe the CBI department would take mercy on her.

**OoO**

"Mrs. Jane." One of the hotel staff said, and Jane watched Lisbon flinch. "We're so sorry you and your husband are leaving early, we hope your stay was wonderful!" Jane nodded, ignoring the fact that Lisbon was glaring at the employee.

"Actually…" Jane began, and Lisbon stared at him as he peered at the girl's name tag. "Melanie, do you know where they do all the weddings here?" Melanie nodded, a smile breaking onto her face.

"Are you already planning on doing another one so soon?" Melanie squealed and Jane grinned.

"Almost," Jane replied and Melanie sighed, a wide smile on her face.

"Oh, well they do the weddings in the bar room." Melanie gushed. Jane nodded, and turned to look at his 'wife'.

"We were in the bar room last night, Jane." Lisbon's voice caught his attention, she was putting details together that none of them had.

"I know."

"We were drinking because of our latest case."

"I kn…"

"We're married because we were drinking in the bar room…"

"Colonel Mustard killed Miss. Scarlet in the ballroom with a hatchet." Jane responded back, a grin highlighting his face and Lisbon just raised her eyebrow. "Everyone's a cynic"

"We were drunk." Lisbon restated.

"Yes Lisbon." Jane repeated. "Obviously, you wouldn't marry me even if you were paid a thousand dollars."

"Try five billion." Lisbon retorted.

"Okay, five billion."

"Stay here, don't touch anything; I'll go sort this out." Lisbon had her phone in her hand and was dialing the number to the intern boss. Jane simply grinned in response after he turned from her, he could still feel her eyes on his back.

**A/N:**

"Colonel Mustard killed Miss. Scarlet in the ballroom with a hatchet." Ha. It sounds like something Jane would say to Lisbon and I love _Clue_.

-I am a very evil plot bunny by the way; I wrote the shorter chapter with full intentions to lead into a larger chapter—of course, my best friend Matt doesn't see it that way and said that I should publish the next chapter as soon as possible. I'm fine with that. Thanks for all the lovely reviews, alerts, reads and all the constructive criticism!


	3. Chapter 2

Unchained Melodies

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer:** I obviously don't own _The Mentalist _or Maroon Five's _She Will Be Loved_, but imagine if I did own _The Mentalist_… there would be tons of fluffy angst.

**Spoilers:** Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings:** Language.

**A/N: **

This chapter was _so _much fun to write hehehe. Jane's seriously pressing his luck. Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and reads for the story… you guys are amazing!

Onward to Chapter Two…

* * *

**Chapter Two**

"What do you mean we can't divorce?" Lisbon had just spent ten minutes trying to explain to the temporary boss of the CBI that she had just married a colleague unwillingly and now they were Mr. and Mrs. Patrick Jane.

"Teresa." The temporary boss responded. "If I let you divorce him, then I have to let everyone else have a divorce… and do you know how many people in the CBI want a divorce?"

"No, but…"

"Exactly, we need some good publicity and it'll do the public some good to hear that Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane have just gotten married."

"No."

"It might make a good story to tell your children someday." The temporary boss suggested, and she brought the phone down from her ear to end the connection. Jane turned around to face her.

"They won't let us divorce."

"I doubted they would.

"Since when do they have the power to control our private lives?"

"Hm, Lisbon." Jane interrupted. "Every day, it's the CBI." Lisbon ignored his comment in favor of her own rant.

"I'll be glad when Mitchell's replaced…"

"Lisbon." Jane stated again and she stared at him. "They're using our 'marriage' as something good for the CBI."

"We're not married!" Lisbon hissed, which caused everyone in the hotel lobby to turn around and stare at her. Jane laughed.

"We're married."

"Stop telling people that."

"Technically…"

"No, we aren't."

"Yes, we are." Jane responded. "They don't give rain checks for drunken marriage vows."

"I'm surprised you're fine with this."

"Meh." Jane replied. "You're not actually my wife; it's just going to be fun calling you Mrs. Jane." Lisbon glared at him and Jane knew that if looks could kill, he'd be six feet under at the moment. "See, my day has already been made and it's only 8 A.M."

"You're not calling me tha…"

"But, we're married…" Lisbon threw her arms up in aspiration and Jane smirked. "Does someone need a hug?" Lisbon took a step back as Jane opened his arms and stepped closer to Lisbon.

"If you touch me, I have a taser."

"You wouldn't dare…" Lisbon slowly pulled the taser from its holder and held it at Jane. "Okay, so you would dare…"

"Don't press your luck, Jane." He wisely lowered his arms and backed away, Lisbon was one scary force to be reckoned with, especially with a taser in her hands. "Now, let's get out of here."

"Yes dear, after you put that thing away…" She wagged the taser threateningly in his direction, but put it away after hearing one of the vacation-goers say something about the poor husband who was just trying to comfort his wife, and she would just pull a taser on him. Jane already had the luggage in his hands and was following after her, laughing in response.

The trip back to HQ had been relatively short, considering that Jane had flipped through every station in the vehicle and anytime a love song would blare through the car; he'd look at her and say something about that being "their" song. It took all of her restraint not to pull over to the side of the road, force him out and make him walk back to the CBI. Rigsby and Van Pelt found it humorous, both of them snickering in the backseat while Cho just shook his head at Jane's antics. When Lisbon thought it couldn't get any worse, he decided to try and serenade her while he was sitting in the passenger seat and she was driving.

_"—__comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls, tap on my window—knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful."_ She just shook her head and ignored the consultant's actions, if he wanted to sing himself hoarse she'd let him but he didn't have a chance to continue the song as Cho leaned to turn the radio off. "Hey! I was listening to that…"

"Thank you Cho."

"You're welcome boss." Jane became silent after that, and Lisbon hoped that maybe he had given up on the marriage, but with Jane, silence was a dire thing, an extremely chaotic thing.

Luckily for them however, HQ was already insight and Jane wouldn't dare pull a stunt where Mitchell (who already despised him for doing something to his favorite tie) could force him to another unit. He'd just have to wait until they were in the safety of her office to even ask Lisbon what they were going to do about living together, maybe he'd even see the cute blush that often spread across her pale cheeks when she was flustered; and he followed he up to their floor to find that Aaron Mitchell stood in the middle of their floor to welcome the agents and consultant back.

"Welcome back Agents Lis…I mean, Agents Jane, Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho"

"Sir," Each of them greeted back and Jane grinned, of course Mitchell would ignore him.

"Well, good evening Aaron." Jane responded. "Nice weather we're having isn't it?" Van Pelt hid her snigger behind a cough. She didn't exactly like Mitchell either.

"Good evening Jane," Mitchell responded. "Did you cause any more trouble…?"

"Meh, nothing that paperwork and extortion can't fix!" The three agents behind him hid their smirks; Jane had actually been decent on a case for once besides the incident of getting married to Lisbon. Mitchell raised his eyebrow at Lisbon and Lisbon shook her head.

"He was an _absolute_ angel." Sarcasm.

"I bet." Mitchell didn't understand sarcasm, especially Lisbon's brand of sarcasm which made the statement even more hilarious. "I'm glad I won't have to retort to suspending anyone this time." Mitchell's unpopularity with the team was mostly due to the fact that the first few crimes the team had solved after Mitchell had been promoted to the temporary position of the boss, Mitchell had always disliked the SCU for some odd reason and within one week of his temporary position, he had all four agents and their wayward consultant in his office for constant disregard of procedure and by the end of his first month, he had suspended each member of the team at least once. Mitchell left shortly afterwards to get back to his cozy office which left the five alone.

"I'm an absolute angel huh?" Lisbon chose to ignore him in favor of telling everyone what to do, before she turned back to him.

"You come with me." Jane wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"Sheesh Lisbon, I didn't know you wanted me _that_ badly…" Lisbon already had her hand on her taser again.

"I'm pretty sure my taser wants to get better acquainted with you also."

"Touché" Jane shut the door behind him and sat down on Lisbon's couch while she sat down in her chair behind the desk.

"Since we can't be divorced…"

"Agent Teresa Jane…"

"Shut up, Jane."

"Mrs. Teresa Jane."

"Jane!"

"What?"

"Are you even listening?"

"Sorta…"

"What did I just say?"

"Are you even…"

"Never mind," Lisbon told him and continued on with current point. "We're married, and we can't be divorced…"

"We need to live together." Jane stated and Lisbon stared at him. "I'm sorry; I didn't think my wife would want me to live halfway across town in a motel or even here for that matter."

"I could make you live in a cardboard box on the side of the street."

"Then where would we put the bed?" She just glared at him and gave him the silence of death.

"I'm going to regret this…" Lisbon muttered, but took a deep breath. "I'm offering my house for you to come and stay in while we're married."

"Lisbon, I accept!" Jane beamed. "Are you sure we have enough room for the kids?" She didn't even give him enough time to stand, because in her hands she held her stapler and launched it at his head, only to feel extreme disappointment that he had ducked out of the way. "I love you, dear." Yeah, she was just going to settle on an icy glare.


	4. Chapter 3, Part One

**Unchained Melodies**

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own _The Mentalist_.

**Spoilers: **Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings:** Language.

**A/N: **

I am in NO way responsible for all the cavities you may get from this chapter! Also thanks for all the awesome reviews, alerts and reads for this story! You guys rock and make me laugh with some of the highly insane reviews (of course, insane in my world is an EXTREMELY good thing!)

* * *

**Chapter Three, Part One-**

She was seriously going to throw something at the next person who walked through her office door to tell her congratulations on the wedding. Somehow, it had gotten around the building pretty quickly that she and Jane had tied the knot.

Though, the details were sketchy at best.

For example, she had left her office for coffee in the kitchenette when she had heard several women gossiping about the wedding—and it amazed her the crazy ideas people could come up with if they were bored enough; she had been asked about ten times just in the past three hours if it was actually true that Jane had proposed to her riding a brilliant white steed while dressed in a knight's costume and swept her off her feet into the sunset.

If Jane had a knight's costume, she wouldn't be surprised. Actually, if he hid a knight's costume in his couch, she wouldn't be surprised. It seemed like he hid everything else in his couch or his unused desk.

"Just to let you know Lisbon, I do have a knight's costume." He interrupted her without knocking yet again. She stared up at him with her narrowed green eyes.

"Of course, I should have known…" Lisbon leaned back in her chair, watching him. "You're the one spreading the rumor."

"Meh, the rumor was already started by Aaron." Jane responded. "I just tweaked a few things, I mean honestly… I didn't tell them you were pregnant or anythi…" someone squeaked and Jane turned around to see one woman with curly black hair and brown eyes standing behind him.

"Yes?"

"I..I just wanted to say congratulations on your marriage…"

"Thank you," an aspirated Lisbon responded, the woman then bit her lip before continuing on.

"You're not expecting are you?" the woman's eyes lingered on Jane and he grinned before looking down at his stomach.

"How kind of you to notice," Jane's responses made the woman's eyes go wide, and she squeaked before turning and high-tailing it out of the office.

"Great Jane!" Lisbon chided. "How the hell am I supposed to get the rumors to stop going around about me being pregnant." He did that thing with his eyebrow again, and managed to lower his voice into a husky tone.

"We could always go find a supply clo … OUCH!" Lisbon hadn't missed that time.

"You're lucky, six inches lower—and children would have been out of the question." Lisbon cheekily grinned, and Jane glared at her.

"That hurt, I should report you." Lisbon stared up at him.

"—and all they'll say is, "you deserved it."" Lisbon responded. "So go right ahead." Something akin to a pout crossed his features and she rolled her eyes.

"But…but…"

"I swear, I'll report _you _for sexual harassment." Jane chose that moment to leave, not before he stuck his head in and replied to her statement.

"But baby, it's not sexual harassment if you like it." She pulled herself up from her chair, and slammed her office door behind his retreating back.

"What was that about?" Rigsby asked.

"Nothing at all" Jane responded, and kept walking toward the couch but he turned back to the three. "If anyone says anything about Lisbon being pregnant…" The three stared at him, as a grin spread across his face. "Never mind." and he continued onto the couch.

"I don't think we'll be needed this weekend." Lisbon told her team. "Mitchell said he was putting another team on weekend duty." Rigsby hid his excited exclaim behind a cough and Jane smirked, of course, Rigsby would be with Van Pelt all weekend. "However, we know how he is." Everyone nodded. "Have a good weekend." Everyone nodded in some mixed response, and hurried to leave the office. Jane moved to her side once the team had left and didn't say anything for a few minutes while she went back to grab whatever she needed.

"In a hurry aren't they?" Jane questioned, Lisbon was still in her office. "I personally can't wait for my weekend to begin; it's going to be our first weekend together!" Lisbon ignored him. "How about I cook you dinner…"

"No." Lisbon's voice from her office carried, loud and clear.

"Why not?"

"Jane, I don't think letting you around any fire or sharp object would be a very good idea." Lisbon told him and he rolled his eyes, it wasn't like he was going to burn down her apartment or anything.

"Can you cook then?"

"Yes."

"I'm not talking about meals in the microwave, Lisbon." Jane taunted, she stepped back into the bullpen and crossed her arms across her chest. "I'm pretty sure you have a kitchen, that is unused because…"

"Excuse me?" Jane knew this look, it was the 'you-had-best-shut-up-before-I-come-and-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands' look.

"I'm just saying…"

"No, you are not burning down my apartment."

"Oh come on…"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." Lisbon's voice cut in and Jane, who was _so _concentrated on getting the best of Lisbon didn't catch the change in the argument.

"No." Lisbon smirked, and Jane pouted. "That's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair."

"You cheated!"

"It's called reverse psychology." Lisbon pointed out.

"It's called cheating." Jane still pouted.

"I don't care what you call it; you're not cooking." Lisbon told him. "Now, come on. I'd like to get home before everyone leaves." Jane snorted.

"It's the CBI. No one ever leaves." Lisbon just shook head and started out of the room. "I stay here sometimes, and someone's always here…"

"Jane, did you think that might be because they're afraid you might end up doing one of your stunts here?"

"Nah." He responded, grinning. "It's the fact that they can't stop staring at me."

"Jane, they're paid to watch you."

"No…"

"We're not starting this again," Lisbon argued and he grinned.

"Then let me cook." She threw her hands in the air and stomped off in the direction of the parking lot. Jane chuckled and called after her, hurrying to catch up. "Does that mean yes?" the words that rolled from her lips after that caused him to chuckle louder, who knew she had such a way with her curses.

The keys clanked together in the lock, and she pressed the door open with the palm of her hand while thinking how thankful she was for the fact that Jane didn't feel the need to have an encore performance inside her car. Jane trailed after her, both bags in his hands and let both bags fall from his hands once the both of them had stepped inside the apartment, he turned back to the front door and shut the door before turning back to Lisbon.

"I should take the luggage up to our room." He softly spoke.

"Ye… wait _our _room?"

"Do you really think I'm going to sleep on a couch, Lisbon?" Jane was grinning again and Lisbon rolled her eyes, she should have known that Jane would be someone hard to deal with.

"You sleep on my couch in the bullpen…"

"That's different," Jane explained.

"How?" and what proceeded was a fifteen minute lecture on his strange couch habits. Lisbon had _no _idea that Jane could be so territorial when it came to the couch, which had been paid for by taxpayers' money because someone thought that the CBI's Serious Crime Unit looked extremely bare with only desks and her office. Of course it looked bare; it was to keep people from falling asleep at work. If she could keep Jane awake, she'd have him sit at that desk of his and _actually _fill out the hours of paperwork that his stunts caused her. Maybe he'd learn then.

"Uh…Lisbon?" Jane asked, and she shakes her head to bring herself from a daydream of the mountains of paperwork she'd have him do as punishment and the handcuffs she'd use to chain him to the desk to make sure he actually did his work to find Jane with his head slightly cocked. "I didn't think couches made you laugh manically." She grinned mischievously and Jane grinned brightly back. "That look usually means I'm getting something good tonight."

"I'll ignore that comment in favor of the good mood I'm in now," Lisbon explained, and continued into her kitchen, where her counters hold a few containers of flour, sugar and salt. She'd have to see first thing Monday about getting rid of his couch completely, but knowing Jane he'd try and sleep in her office and that's the last thing she wants. "Now, I'm going to make us dinner…" Jane coughed. "What?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea either…" Lisbon crossed her arms against her chest and stared at him, good mood quickly evaporating. "If you don't want me to cook, and I don't want you to cook—what do you suggest we do?" Jane wickedly grinned.

"I've got a few…." He didn't even see the flour coming, and only blinked when it hit his face. Instead of saying anything, he leaned over and knocked the lid off the sugar container before putting his hand into the container and grabbing the sugar in his hand.

"Don't you dare…!" Lisbon didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as the white substance hit her full on in the face. Jane was laughing, and was distracted at the moment in his laughter fit that Lisbon was able to steal over to the fridge and open it, and grab the carton of eggs from the side compartment of her refrigerator. "Feeling lucky, are we Jane?" Jane's eyes slowly widened when he found that she held the carton of eggs and was popping the lid from the eggs to carefully grab one egg and balance it in the palm of her hand. She didn't give him the time to scramble back, because she already had the egg smashed on the top of his head, running into his hair and down the back of his neck. "I've heard eggs are good for the hair, and now maybe you won't have to use a ridiculous amount of products on your hair."

"Oh it's on, Lisbon." And he plunged his hand back into the sugar container…


	5. Chapter 3, Part Two

**Unchained Melodies**

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer: **I obviously don't own _The Mentalist_, because if I did…we'd be in trouble. I also don't own _"I Only Wanna Be With You" _sang by Hootie and the Blowfish.

**Spoilers: **Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings: **Language, humorous situations, and the famed fluffy-angst.

**A/N:**

Whoa. Thanks for all the awesome reviews, reads and adds. I love you all very, very, very much—so I present you all a chapter of fluff, angst, penguins and a bit of J/L banter humor. We all love banter humor, don't we?

* * *

**Chapter Three, ****Part Two. **

The mess in the kitchen had escalated, after Jane had slipped on a piece of raw egg and had pulled Lisbon down with him. Both of them covered from head to toe in every dairy substance imaginable but yet, both of them still laughing—Lisbon's has one hand on his chest, holding her up and him sprawled on the dirty kitchen floor with her legs sprawled overtop his and for a moment both of them don't even realize the awkward position they're in.

She doesn't care that they've made a mess of her kitchen either, but he'll have to clean it up.

"Well, I'm not hungry anymore." Jane's grin highlighted his face, and Lisbon rolled her eyes. "Of course, I blame a certain someone for this…"

"You're the one who started this."

"I'm not the one who was given a flour bath or an egg shower."

"And I'm pretty sure that I'll be cleaning egg shells out of my hair for a week, Jane." Lisbon explained. "I'm also pretty sure that we've used almost everything in my kitchen to fight with, except for the Vanilla Extract and oranges." Jane looked sheepish and she stared at him. "What?"

"I actually did use the orange…" Jane pointed to the ceiling to find that a lonely orange had somehow managed to make its way on her ceiling.

"I knew you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn." Lisbon taunted.

"Coming from the woman who thought it would be a good idea to pour milk down the front of my shirt?" Lisbon snorted.

"You deserved it." Jane grinned before flipping Lisbon over, to where he now held her to the floor and she stared up at him.

"Payback's a bitch." Jane simply stated, grinning. "Plus, I think you owe me for the bruises you caused due to tackling me this morning, woman." Lisbon struggled to get out from under him but he wouldn't let go. "Now, we can do this the hard way or the easy way…"

"Damn," She muttered. "I should have known you'd try something like this…"

"Me?" Jane innocently stated. "I'm just doing my duty to gain back my manhood."

"Oh yes, you're doing a fine job of that—rolling around in flour and God only knows what else" Jane only grinned and stood up, offering his hand out to Lisbon when something hit him on the top of the head and Lisbon laughed. Jane lifted his hand up to his head to find that the orange had fallen from the ceiling to splat on his head.

"Not a word," He muttered and she only grinned.

"Even my fruit doesn't like you," She continued, ignoring his warning. "I guess this only says so much about your character, doesn't it Jane?" His lips twitched in response.

"Yes, because fruit is such a wonderful judge of character." He helped her back on her feet. "I knew there was a reason I avoided it."

"I'm going to take a shower." Lisbon told him, he opened his mouth. "And no, you can't help me."

"Seriously? You'd think that I'd try to seduce a higher law enforcement individual like yourself in your own kitchen by offering to help you take a shower?" Jane's features formed into something akin to aghast.

"Hmmm… let me think about that, yes." Lisbon left him in her kitchen with his dumbfounded smirk, and an orange still splattered in his hair.

She kept the bathroom door double bolted, if that counted for anything.

**OoO**

The shower hadn't lasted that long, really—though, Jane complained as he stood at the bottom of her stairs that she had been in the shower for an hour. In an hour, Lisbon mused that Jane could've demolished her place, set a group of penguins free from the zoo, and given her more paperwork to fill out. All-in-all, nothing too horrible had happened. In fact, it even seemed as if he had decided to make himself useful and clean up the mess in the kitchen. The least she could do, she supposed, was tell him she actually had a guest room.

"Lisbon?" Jane questioned, and she glanced up at him from her spot on the couch. "I know you're security conscious, but those locks on your bathroom door?" She waited for him to continue. "What exactly are you expecting? An alien abduction? That's some fantasy that would be played out, but I'm sure we could…"

"Those locks are on my bathroom door because that's where I place all the consultants who have dared ask me that question." She interrupted. "Many before you Jane, many before you." He seemed to pale.

"You can't be serious…"

"Dead serious." Lisbon replied. "You can ask Cho on Monday, he helps with the body count." Jane stared at her. "The Serious Crimes Unit has gone through seven consultants in the past ten years." Jane sputtered, and Lisbon took pity on him by showing a slight smile. "You actually believe that I'd kill off my consultants?"

"Well…" Lisbon could be scary. She could have killed off all those consultants… consultants? "Have you ever married one of these many consultants before?"

"Yes—you might actually know him, blonde hair—blue eyes, answers to the name of Jane-ass." She spoke, a grin softly spreading across her features.

"A new nickname, lovely Lisbon" Jane responded. "Does this mean you get one too?"

"No."

"Aw, come on!" Jane pestered. "Let's see, Terry Bow"

"_What?_" She stared at him in absolute horror.

"Or how about…. Scarlet Fox?"

"Hell no!"

"Why not?"

"Because…you're not calling me that!" She sputtered, Jane grinned.

"That's my little Scarlet Fox." She glared up at him.

"For that, you're sleeping outside—in a cardboard box, on the other side of town."

"You can't do that to your husband." Jane calmly stated. "You'd really put me outside, and away from you…"

"Yes."

"Just so you can have the upper hand…"

"Yes."

"While I'm sleeping in some alleyway, where the hobos may rob me?"

"Yes."

"You really do hate me don't you?"

"Yes." He stared at her.

"Oh, well in that case…" Jane trailed off. "My little sexy scarlet fox." He didn't wait to see her response as he began to run from her, and he just knew that she would be after him soon to kick her from the apartment.

Eventually, both grew tired and decided to head off to bed—he didn't end up on the other side of town, and instead ended up sleeping in the bathroom. Lisbon was his scary little sexy scarlet fox, and it was the safest place from her anger he could hide.

**OoO**

Teresa Lisbon decided that within a month of being married, marriage wasn't extremely bad.

She had someone to bicker with:

_"Meh, I punched him. Is that a criminal offense?" _

_ "Yes!" Lisbon had her arms crossed against her chest. "You can do jail time for that."_

_ "He started it."_

_ "Jane, you punched a man after he insinuated that I had done something wrong…"_

_ "No one insults my wife and gets to walk away unscathed." _

_ "Yet, you can insult me…"_

_ "It's my job."_

_ "No it isn't."_

_ "Oh yes it is." The two continued on for some while like this, until the team could no longer take it and had to intervene. _

Someone who would shower her with 'love':

_"Jane, putting a stuffed animal in my desk drawer does not count for an apology." Lisbon held the fox in her hands._

_ "Oh, it's not an apology." He spoke and she raised her eyebrow in response. "It's to show how much I care about you." _

_ "Yes, well… I'm still mad at you." _

_ "I know." He softly stated. "You should read the card." Lisbon looked down into her drawer to find a card; she placed the stuff fox on the table and grabbed the card from the drawer before opening it. _

_Lisbon,_

_I'm sorry. _

_Jane. _

_She almost grinned in response except her eyes caught the last line of the card:_

_P.S. My Little Sexy Scarlet Fox. _

_ "JANE!" _

_Everyone else in the bullpen cringed, oh well, there goes the peaceful afternoon. _

She even had someone who would cook her dinner and _not _burn the place down:

_"That…doesn't look edible." Lisbon had her fork poking at whatever Jane had cooked. _

_ "Oh, I assure you it is." To prove his point, Jane had already stolen some off her plate and had forced it into his mouth. He chewed for a while, before swallowing. "Look, I'm still ali…" Jane fell to the floor and Lisbon joined him a second later. _

_ "Jane!" She called with her hand on his shoulder. "Jane!" He didn't respond. "Jane?" Just when Lisbon thought she might actually have to give him some form of CPR, his eyes opened and he grinned at her in response._

_ "I was waiting for the best part of the evening," he joked. "The CPR." That night Jane did end up sleeping outside. _

The thought of disbanding the marriage hadn't crossed her mind in sometime, and though she had the divorce papers ready (she kept them on her desk in her office), she wasn't quite ready to go back to her apartment alone.

Jane really did keep everything more lively and entertaining.

**OoO**

Patrick Jane decided that within a month of being married for a second time, marriage with Lisbon was an adventure.

He had someone he could serenade:

_ "—dolphins make me cry, there's nothing I can do—been looking for a girl like yooooooouuuuu…." Jane knew Officer Jones was standing behind him, now that Jane had taken to his nightly ritual of serenading his 'wife'—Officer Jones had been assigned to that particular neighborhood. Jane let Officer Jones handcuff him and lead him back to Lisbon, at least this time—the old woman who lived in the apartment above her hadn't thrown a shoe at him. Officer Jones rang the doorbell and Lisbon appeared. _

"_Thank you." She said for the umpteenth time that week, and Officer Jones nodded before un-cuffing Jane. Jane stepped into her apartment and had the decency to look abashed as she closed the door. "I would like to go one evening without the police arresting you."_

_ "Meh. It's not going on my record, you're not getting into any trouble and no one is pressing charges—secretly, I believe that Mrs. Childers is a bit angry because…" Lisbon glared at him. _

_ "That's not the point." _

Someone who he could annoy, and then have him put in his place:

_He had slipped ten dollars to the UPS Delivery man, and all the man had to do was go in and deliver a package to a "Mrs. Patrick Jane" Jane currently rested on his couch, his feet facing Lisbon's office as he pretended to look innocent. _

_It didn't take very long for a fuming Lisbon to come barreling out of her office, and straight over to him. _

_ "Jane."_

_ "Lisbon?" He tried to play innocent, but failed miserably after seeing Lisbon. _

_ "How many times have I told you not to bribe the damn Delivery man?" _

_ "It's not like I do this every day!"_

_ "No, you're right. You don't." Lisbon conceded. "You do it every Monday." _

_ "At least I'm not out giving you more paperwork to fill out!" Jane chimed back. "I'm telling them to call you by the rightful name."_

_ "In this office, I am your boss—I am not your twisted idea of a wife, I am either Lisbon or boss and I expect to be called such." Lisbon ordered. "If I catch you bribing anyone to call me Mrs. Patrick Jane again, I will have you chained to that desk you avoid with your life, and I will have a couch burning ceremony." Jane nervously laughed. "I'm glad we've come to an understanding, Jane." _

He had someone that he loved again.

And though it would kill him, he had to tell her the truth.

**OoO**

It had been perfect.

He would give her some champagne, a fancy-ish dinner, and then he'd dance with her before he'd tell her the truth. It would hopefully help enough to where she would actually listen to him without pulling out any weapons. He hadn't even waited for her to get into the apartment before he had already tugged off her jacket and rushed her to the table, where both of them ate while Lisbon told him about how Cho had beaten Rigsby in another game of UNO.

He hadn't cleared off the table, because he felt as if he was racing time here.

Instead of saying anything, or even asking—he had her swept up in his arms, and already had the music in the background softly playing.

"What are you…?" He held a finger to her lips, and smiled.

"You can rest your head; I promise I'm not going to bite your neck or something." She brought her head wearily to his shoulder, and the two stayed locked in that position for some time. "Lisbon…" Jane began, the woman in his arms had her head pressed against his shoulder—both of them swaying to the song playing. "Teresa?"

"Yeah, Jane?" Jane took a deep breath, but continued forward.

"I have to be honest with you, Lisbon." Jane explained, and he closed his eyes for a second before he continued on. "I…I knew what happened…"

"What do you…?"

"I could have stopped us from getting married." And the perfection both of them had been feeling in that moment flew out the window.

"What?"


	6. Chapter 4

**Unchained Melodies**

**Summary:** He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer:** I obviously still don't own _The Mentalist_, because…hello; my name isn't Bruno Heller.

**Spoilers:** Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings:** Language, and some major angst.

**A/N:**

Yes, this chapter is _extremely _short compared to Chapters 2 and 3 PT 1 and 2. It just means that Chapter 5 will be the last, and the lengthiest chapter of them all. Thanks to everyone for the reviews, reads and alerts so far.

* * *

**Chapter Four-**

"You….you…" Lisbon was trying to fit every emotion she felt into one word, as Jane slowly backed away from the enraged woman. "God, I can't even come up with a damned word to describe you right now."

"If you're going for a word…" Jane began. "I would go with something like 'asshole' or…Jane-ass" Lisbon wasn't in a mood for humor, as she took the stereo remote from her coffee table to throw it at him, which he ducked. "I thought I should be honest…"

"Honest!" Lisbon screamed. "If you had wanted to be honest, you should have said something a month ago—instead…"

"I didn't know how to exactly tell you," Jane replied. "Oh, and while you're waking up in my bed—because I don't remember how you got here or what we did—but we got married last night and I can remember only getting to the altar with my drunk fiancé."

"Yet, you couldn't stop us!"

"I _tried_, Lisbon."

"I'm sure." Lisbon scoffed. "Actually¸ you're right—you did try…"

"_Lisbon…_"

"—to get us married in a legal ceremony…"

"_Lisbon…_"

"—after we were both intoxicated, and you took advantage of that…"

"_LISBON!_"

"_What?_" She turned to him, staring him down.

"I'm sorry, alright?" She darkly laughed.

"You think that's going to mean anything Jane?" Lisbon questioned. "This isn't some case, and _here_ I'm not your boss—and _here_ you're not the consultant who wouldn't listen to my orders—here Jane, _here_, you were the closest thing to a husband I've ever had and I finally _trusted _you against my better instincts" Jane had his head down, his eyes focusing on the ground.

"I want to explain."

"Jane, I'm though with your explanations." She told him. "I just want you and your stuff out of my home this moment, and I'll be sure to have the divorce papers…" He shot toward her, knocking her into the wall near her bookshelf as his hands held her wrists to the wall.

"Lisbon, please." He begged. "Teresa, please listen to me." She felt the tears, and she blinked before looking away from Jane's intense blue eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Honestly Jane?" Lisbon questioned him, her voice coming down a notch from where it had been before. "Are you honestly sorry?"

"No." He replied. "I'm not, because…"

"—just leave, alright?" She asked, the fight leaving her—as the emotions settled in, all she wanted to do was either kill him and cry or just cry. "_Leave already!_" Jane nodded, as he moved from her to head toward the front door. She watched him touch the door knob before turning back around to face her, his eyes puffy and red suddenly.

"I did it, because I love you." And he left, only leaving the haunting melody of the music from her speakers traveling behind him, the sobs from Lisbon and the regrets from himself.


	7. Chapter 5

**Unchained Melodies**

**Summary: **He doesn't exactly remember what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it's a blur and he knows that whatever he's done; it can't be too bad. L/J

**Disclaimer**: *is poor*

**Spoilers: **Set somewhere in S2.

**Warnings: **Language, and some fluffy goodness.

**A/N: **

This is the last chapter of this story! I'm so excited but so sad at the same time to see it leave… I already have the plot bunnies attacking me again, so who knows where that'll lead me too…

Ha, a grand thank you/shout out goes to all the reviewers from the course of the whole story: Ebony10, Bezelburr, Koezh, Charmed225, Jadestar1981, MK, lisbonloafers, Patrickjane-ismyman, JelloFanatic123, Country2776, lisbon69, xxxBekaForEvaxx, Chiisana Minako, Miss Cannibal Princess, batgirl1993, Famous4it, mwalter1, HOUSEM., BottleOfStars, and liz2434. *gives cookies* and of course to all the reads and alerts for this story, I couldn't have written this without all of you! *hugs*

I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**Chapter Five-**

One week.

Both of them had been at this, and Agents' Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby were already sick of it. Lisbon could say that she had a separate personal life that didn't invade her professional life all she wanted, but honestly? She couldn't because her personal and professional life was the man who was always off angering people.

Monday, had been hell—a new case and on top of that, both the consultant and the boss at each other's throats. (They tried to avoid the lustful looks Jane would send her way.)

Tuesday, had been uncomfortable—new suspects, and Jane couldn't be in the same room as Lisbon. (Some woman had passed the wayward consultant in the hall, and gossip had gotten around that Jane had hauled off and punched a wall.)

Wednesday, had been ridiculous—revisiting the same suspects, and following new leads while both Jane and Lisbon moped around. (It didn't exactly appear the same way with Lisbon, but her irritability had reached the point where Cho didn't even want to step near her in fear that his head would be taken off. Jane, of course remained the cold callous bastard; they all knew and _loved_.)

Thursday, had been murderous—a lead had taken them back to the same hotel in which Jane and Lisbon had gotten married in. Van Pelt 'accidently' made a booking error and had Jane with Lisbon in the same hotel room to sleep. (Van Pelt had been cornered by the two of them at separate times, both of them pissed as hell—Van Pelt had held it together long enough to make it back to Rigsby and Cho before bursting out in tears. It was then that the three of them had decided to do something about this.)

Friday, had been insane—the order from HQ had come to them all, telling them to stay there an extra few days as a "chance to scope out the case" which to Cho read as "the CBI can't handle anymore of this between the two of you, so handle this now." (Rigsby had chuckled as he had no problem staying at the hotel a few more days, while Lisbon and Jane were mortified.)

Saturday, had been the straw that broke the camel's back—nothing new happened on the case, but if you rounded the floor in which the CBI Serious Crimes Unit currently stayed, you could hear the arguments from Jane and Lisbon. (It had gotten to the point where security had shown up to arrest them for disturbing the peace of the other residents. It was also then that Van Pelt had an idea.)

Sunday, had been the day of no-return—Van Pelt had asked the hotel staff to manually lock Jane and Lisbon's room. (This meant that no one could get in, and no one could leave.)

**OoO**

"—sick and tired of you!" Lisbon's voice attacked Jane, who sighed from his spot near the door. If she decided to throw something else he'd be out of the room in a flash. Jane knew both of them had been irrational and just bitchy for the past week, but he couldn't help it; Lisbon either completely ignored his three words or had taken them in stride.

When both of them had gotten married, he planned on telling her the very next day—but somewhere between the streaking on the front lawns (luckily, the cameras had been off and it had been pitch black outside) and the staff telling them to go back to their rooms; something had changed.

He didn't remember how both of them had ended up there, and he didn't remember what they had done—but he knew the woman before him was beautiful, he had planned on telling her on their way back to HQ but it was then he realized that Lisbon needed him, as much as he needed her and he'd do anything to make sure that by the time he was ready to tell her that she was in love with him.

He was selfish, he admits that—but love is selfish.

He didn't plan however, for the truth to destroy them both—he didn't plan on her either practically telling him to get out of her life.

He didn't plan on it hurting as much as it had, but he felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders—if Lisbon wanted to be with him, she could chose. If Lisbon didn't want to be with him, he didn't know where that would put the both of them.

So when his hand fit around the door handle of the room, and tugged on the door to leave the room; he was somewhat secretly happy that the door wouldn't open and somewhat mortified, because it meant he'd have to deal with Lisbon in her rage.

Her heart is still pounding in her chest, and the words still flutter past her conscious—she knows she hasn't been the easiest person to deal with this week, and her heart (what's left of it anyway) goes to her team for putting up with her and Jane's implosion. She knows she's being petty and childish for not listening to Jane's complete explanation but somewhere deep inside, she knows that she can't handle it.

He lied to her, and though she can mask her anger with him over that—she can't hide the true reasons for her anger from herself. It's often said that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes honesty can destroy the only resemblance of feelings that were being built—because Lisbon feels like her relationship with Jane was built on a lie. If he had told her when they had awoken in the same bed together, she knows that she would feel the same amount of anger and even if Jane hadn't told her until both of them had been on their death bed, she would still feel the same amount of anger.

It doesn't change the fact that her heart feels something, and that's what she's angry with—she doesn't understand these new feelings, and she can't comprehend why she feels as if she's on a roller coaster, zooming back and forth, forth and back, up and down, side to side. Lisbon wonders if Jane can read her as well as he says he can, and knows her true reasons for her vile anger.

She was blind, she admits that—but love is blind.

She didn't plan on her words to affect everyone the way they had, with the vicious anger and the general carelessness—and she didn't plan on his walking away from her instead of ignoring her orders.

She didn't plan on it hurting as much as it had, but it was her choice and both knew it—she could continue ignoring him, shutting him out and stomping away until their relationship was completely destroyed and she couldn't stand seeing Jane doing something stupid because of her or she could accept in stride that just maybe, love was supposed to be unknown and she could take the leap of faith toward Jane.

So when she saw his hand fit around the door handle of the room, and watched him tug on the door to leave the room; she knew that if he opened that door—he wouldn't be back and she had to either swallow her pride or turn the other way; and when the door didn't open—she was secretly happy that it wouldn't open, and mortified that she'd have to face him with all the cards on their table.

**OoO**

"—and…" Jane expected another threat to roll from her lips, or for her to keep lecturing in circles but instead of any of that, a bitter laugh followed by a somewhat controlled sob rolled from her lips. Jane stared at her in surprise as she stared at the ground before her. "I'm a complete and utter hypocrite." She brought her head up to stare at him, and neither of them said anything for a few moments.

"I'm no better." He added.

"Look at the both of us," Lisbon dryly laughed. "Grown, and both of still running from things we don't understand." Jane flashed a smile.

"Isn't that what life's about?" Jane asked. "Running until we can't run anymore?" The irony in the statement made both laugh, and then lapse into an uncertain silence. "Look Lisbon, I'm…" She shook her head furiously.

"Don't say it, Jane." Lisbon softly spoke. "Don't…" Jane had already crossed the distance to where she was standing and already had her face in his hands.

"I wasn't lying." Jane murmured. "I might have held off on telling you about everything, but I wouldn't lie to you like this."

"Jane…" Jane brought his lips down to meet hers, both of them standing in the middle of a hotel room which had been labeled a "disaster-zone" with his soft hands holding her face in place—both their lips met, slow and fumbling at first until the raw desire of passion over comes the both of them; and then the kiss turns into something else entirely.

Meanwhile, the team is holding a celebration on all their own which involves drinking and bets.

**OoO**

It's the morning after,

Lisbon meets Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho downstairs with a good gestured good morning, a bright smile on her face and green eyes drawn to the wedding ring around her finger.

Jane comes stumbling in ten minutes after Lisbon, his suit oddly displaced and with a single wave to everyone—he goes to greet Lisbon with a slight smile.

Van Pelt, Rigsby and Cho aren't idiots, they know what's going on and under the table Rigsby slips Cho ten dollars as Van Pelt stifles her laughter into her glass of orange juice.

_It's about time_, are the collective looks around the table as Jane and Lisbon join them.

"What are you all grinning at?" Lisbon asks, and the grins disappear slightly.

"Just the fact that it's a lovely Monday morning," Van Pelt covers for them and Lisbon seems satisfied with the answer as she begins to eat her breakfast and drink her coffee. Jane however, simply smiles in response to their grins over his cup of tea.

He knows they know, and he'll probably let Lisbon in on the joke later—but as for now, they've got a case to solve, and as for later, he thinks with a devilish grin in her direction, more beds to break in.


End file.
